Dear Singapore Singles, Are You Guilty of These 5 Dating Mistakes?
Nobody likes to know that they’ve made mistakes, that they’re in the wrong – unless they take them as constructive criticism – nobody also likes admitting to their mistakes. But there are some dating mistakes we do that we may not realize and sometimes all it takes is just someone giving you a nudge. And yes, we may not be a perfect dater, but we can always improve and be a better dater to attract the person that could potentially be our Mr. Right!
Here are 5 dating mistakes that you might not realize yourself committing to:
1. Virtually stalking your date ahead of time, obsessively
We're all guilty of checking out the person we're going to meet ahead of time, but what's going to be awkward is if you're doing it excessively.
Even though you’re going completely insane over this guy, remind yourself to stop dead in the tracks and not checking every possible activity they’re doing (or have done in the past 5 years). Get a close friend to help confiscate your phone if you find yourself silently screening all of his Instagram pictures and captions. Or better still, have a jar and put in a dollar every time you break the rule of not stalking too much. Trust us, you’re not only going to make the conversations weird when you see them, you’re going to make him feel frightened as well.
Not to mention, if you know every single detail of his life, what more is the element of surprise, then?
2. Obsessing over whether they’re texting back and how long it takes them to do so
There are two extremes here. You are most likely playing the ‘waiting game’ and replying each message 3 hours later, or you reply them almost immediately and go into overthinking mode because he blue-ticks your message and goes offline again. This is entirely common, but if you’re not doing this in moderation (or better yet, not at all!), you will find yourself being heavily distracted from your daily responsibilities.
You don’t wanna find yourself deciphering every emoji and see what it really means, then losing sleep over it, when you can actually just leave it be, right? Overthinking really brings us nowhere, really. And to be honest, you would never truly know what he's thinking, so why assume the worst? He could really just be busy or is in the middle of something..
3. Playing mind games
This one’s relatable to #2 because we tend to think too much about, "Am I being too interested? Should I play hard to get? Am I replying his messages too quickly?"
Yes, we do this because we don't want to be rejected, we don't want to show our cards too soon. Playing it cool may make you feel 'safe', but your date may see you as uninterested or aloof - which will then turn him off. I say, be yourself. If you're interested, it's okay to show your interest. We are not the only ones that fear rejection, you know. Guys do too!
4. Doing the talking more than listening.
You know someone who’s always hogging the mic the entire night during the karaoke, and you just can’t have your time to shine, right? Now, that’s not really different from having a one-sided conversation during your date nights. If you find yourself talking excessively about your dog, your neighbour’s flat tires this morning, your exes (do not attempt this, though!), yada yada, stop and try to ask questions to the other person instead. And, listen. Genuinely listen. It makes a lot of difference. You have to observe body language too; if he’s leaning away from you or looks away, he’s probably not interested in what you’re going on and on about.
A conversation is a 2-way process, we’re all not here to listen to your inauguration speech.
5. Getting overly involved too soon
Do you notice that you're usually falling for a guy too fast? As the saying goes, “take it slow”, so why not just spend the time together to get to know each other better, then only decide? Sometimes you’ll have to go through a few dates to confirm your feelings for one another, though there are also possibilities for couples to hit it off during the first meeting. 'Love at first sight' rarely ever happens in real life - I believe real connections take time to build. So if you find yourself rushing in to saying 'I love you' too quick, you may want to pace and slow yourself down for a bit.
Dating can be hard, but it’s not impossible (and it's supposed to be fun!) Just listen more, laugh loudly and be in the moment. Most importantly, though, is to be yourself. Don’t let society’s standards mold you into thinking that you should behave or think a certain way, because that would ultimately destroy your self-esteem when it comes to relationships.
It’s okay to make mistakes every now and then – we’re not perfect – but we can always be better and not repeat the same mistakes twice. But in all fairness, just have fun and don’t let these worry you too much! Happy dating!