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Marie Claire Dating專欄:「七年之癢」


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文章由香港Lunch Actually創辦人兼CEO Violet Lim執筆

 

數日前,我和老公談到「七年之癢」,有些人又會稱之為「十年之癢」的這個話題。

 

其實差不多每一對伴侶都會經歷這個感情關卡。所謂的「癢」不一定是指有外遇,也可以是用來形容對婚姻、感情的一種厭倦。以前覺得很可愛的事情,現在卻覺得煩厭。以前常常會看到他的優點,現在只看到他的缺點。你發覺自己的脾氣在不知不覺間發得越多越大。如果在這個時候,身邊出現了一個似乎更能了解你、更有新鮮感的對象,有一些人就會不禁見異思遷。

 

兩人在一起那麼多年,一年365天的相處肯定會有磨擦,這是理所當然的。每當感情亮起紅燈的時候,很多人都會選擇逃避,他們希望把問題隱藏,以為久而久之問題便會消失。

 

如果你的婚姻遇上波折,你該怎麼辦?

1)不要逃避,接受事實:當感情上有裂痕時,其實雙方總會心裡有數。別以為逃避問題,問題就會漸漸消失。事實上,如果我們把問題隱藏,問題只會變得更大,所謂「紙包唔住火」,你越不處理,事情只會越來越糟。

 

2)後退一步,好好反省:很多時,我們的第一反應就是責怪對方,所謂「一隻手掌拍唔響」,雙方都需要負起責任。你是否也take your partner for granted? 我學會了一個很重要的道理,對女人來說,最重要的是她的男人是否愛她;對男人來說,最重要的不是愛,而是尊重。身為女人,我們要自己的另一半在任何情況下都全心全意愛我們。男人也是一樣,當他可能最低落的時候,他最渴望自己依然得到妳的尊重及青睞。妳可以很愛一個男人,但如果他覺得妳不尊重他,他仍然會離開妳。

 

3)「攤牌」,坦誠溝通:遇上問題時,總要有其中一方踏出第一步,說出自己的感受和想法。當然,問題不是一兩次的溝通就能解決,但至少當雙方都願意付出時間、精力去討論和解決問題,一定會雨過天晴。

 

4)若有需要,一齊求助:當事情真的到了兩人也不知道怎樣解決的時候,可以考慮找婚姻輔導員求助。亞洲人通常覺得求助很丟臉。但是,如果因為面子而失去了一段可以珍貴的感情,值得嗎?

 

放棄可能是你其中一個選擇。尤其是當你有另外一位更顯吸引的對象時,放棄似乎是一個不錯的選擇。但是,你必須謹記,七年後,十年後,這新感情同樣會遇上風波。無論如何,希望你能作出明智的決定。


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